Never In Love Or Am I?
by gum wrapper
Summary: Soulmate AU with phan but during 2012.
1. Chapter 1

_Y'all I don't know why I'm starting this but I'm back... with a multi-chapter phanfic! Hopefully y'all will like it enough for me to continue it for a while :) ~gum wrapper._

Phil has never asked Dan what who his soulmate was. As close as they were, he has never dared to ask. Phil knew who his own soulmate was, the name was permanently etched in broken cursive just above his ankle.

But it's known that sometimes one soulmate will have someone else's name on them and that person will have someone else entirely. Soulmates are not always matched for romantic reasons. There's a few famous cases where one soulmate did something to ruin the others life... yes, soulmates are not always matched for love.

Phil uses that as an excuse to not ask Dan. Phil wears socks that cover the name of the younger boy so that Dan will have to bring it up first. Dan has not brought it up yet and also hasn't asked Phil why he never goes without socks.

Speaking of which,

Phil pulls on a pair of mismatched (yet matched) fuzzy socks. One orange and one blue. He sighs a little as he looks at the name on his inked into skin:

 _Daniel James Howell_

The ink is a dark blue, meaning Phil has met his soulmate already (as if he wouldn't know!).

Phil stands, retreaves a thick blanket off his bed, and goes back out into the lounge. He smiles at the sight before him as he pushes open the door.

"This is the worst fucking Christmas tree to put away!" Daniel, the very one who has his name on Phil's ankle, yells in complaint upon seeing Phil.

"You don't have to take it down," Phil states settling onto the floor beside him.

"It's January now. If we don't get rid of it then it'll be up all of 2012!"

"Oooooh wouldn't that be fun?" Phil laughs at the idea.

The younger boy rolls his eyes and continues to dismantle the tree. He pulls out the branches one by one and carefully lays them in the box.

"What's your resolution for 2012?" Phil asks, a yawn punctuating the end of the question.

"To make more videos. Better quality videos to be specific."

Phil smiles and nods, that's what Dan said last year too. "Nothing new?"

"I like life how it is at the moment. There's nothing I want to change."


	2. Chapter 2

**I don't own Dan or Phil. Obviously.**

Dan is pretty sure he knows where Phil has his soulmate's name written but he can't be sure. Phil always wears socks. Around the house, with every pair of shoes, in summer, in bed, and even when they haven't done laundry for a week. He wouldn't be surprised if Phil wears socks in the shower.

Dan has seen even seen Phil without a shirt and there's no words anywhere. Unless Phil covers the name with makeup like Dan does... but how would Phil do that? Phil is the least makeup inclined person Dan knows.

Is Phil ashamed of his soulmate maybe? Dan feels a little sting at that. Why is Phil ashamed of being his soulmate? What's so bad about him?

All of these questions bounce around Daniel Howell's head as he watches Phil blow out a candle on a cake.

Shouts of "happy birthday!" come from all of their friends but it seems to be a from the next room over to Dan. He can't help but think and think until he's no longer connected to reality.

In reality, Phil should find his soulmate soon. Most people find their soulmates before 25.

No, Dan would like to stay far away from the reality where Phil finally discusses soulmates.

After all, Dan hides the name on his upper arm for a reason.


	3. Chapter 3

**I don't own Daniel Howell and/or Philip Lester. Still hope that's obvious.**

Phil hadn't expected Dan to start asking about soulmates one morning before Phil had even poured any of Dan's cereal into his own bowl.

"I think I should look for my soulmate." Dan had said, sleepily tumbling into the kitchen.

"You... what?" _Did Dan not have his name?_

"My soulmate! I should look for them."

"Are you... are you okay? You have never cared the slightest about who your soulmate is before." Phil tries to mask his panic as worry for Dan's mental state.

"I'm splendid."

 _Splendid? Who was this man and what did he do to Dan?_

"Dan... why don't you back up a little? Why do you suddenly want to find your soulmate?" Phil hopes Dan can't hear how tight Phil's throat is.

"Well I know their name right? I just gotta find them on Facebook or something. I'm tired of being alone."

 _Alone. He's alone._

"Oh... okay. Well why don't you eat something first and then you can look?" Phil feels several emotions building up in his head and he has to escape before something shows.

Dan goes about getting coffee and cereal as Phil slips away to his room. _Tired of being alone, look for my soulmate._

Phil's head just repeats the scene over and over. Dan isn't his soulmate after all. At least not like that. As much as Phil wants Dan to find his soulmate... what about him? Why isn't Phil good enough to have his name permanently in Dan's skin? Are him and Dan really only destined to be platonic soulmates?

If only Phil knew where Dan had his soulmate's name written... or maybe Phil should just let Dan be? Why bother digging into Dan's privacy like that if all it uncover sits what Phil already fears?


	4. Chapter 4

**Still don't own Daniel Howell and/or Phil Lester.**

 _ **Dan's p.o.v.**_

My plan had failed. Miserably. It went down burning and falling apart like an airplane.

Is Phil not my soulmate? Does Phil have a different name? If I was Phil's soulmate wouldn't he have said something... or at least look a little concerned?

Phil didn't even _flinch_ when I said I wanted look for my soulmate. Maybe Phil and me are only supposed to be platonic soulmates? No, that can't be. Why would I have these feelings if me and Phil weren't meant to end up together? Has there ever been a case where two soulmates were wrongly matched?

I've just started to debate just outright telling Phil that I have his name on my upper arm when Phil comes back into the kitchen with his laptop and a grin.

"What are you doing?" I ask as Phil sets his laptop in front of my cereal bowl, "why are you open to Facebook? Who even _uses_ Facebook anymore?"

"I'm helping you! You want to find your soulmate right? Well if finding them will make you happy than I want to help you find them. You don't have to tell me their name or anything if you don't want, but I want you to be happy."

 _Well, fuck._

"You... want to help me... find my soulmate?" _You're supposed to say that you're my soulmate! You're messing this all up!_

Phil bites his lower lip for a moment before nodding. "I will do whatever you need to help you find your soulmate."

 _No, no, no!_

I want to grab him by the shoulders and stare directly into his blue eyes and tell him to stop being so stupid but he leaves before I can say or do anything. And maybe that's for the best. I must be wrong if he's willing to help me find someone who doesn't exist.

Or maybe he's just calling my bluff?

I sigh and look at the blinking cursor in the search bar. I have to make up something or he'll get suspicious... why do I want him to be suspicious?

I make up a name, scrolling through Facebook every time Phil appears in the kitchen. I'm getting tired of standing in front of the counter but I'm worried that if I move he'll want to know how it's going and I don't know what I would say to that. An hour passes by and in that hour I've spent very little time on Facebook and a lot of time looking at a lot of fanfiction titled with our names. Why can't we work out like our fans want? I set a reminder to delete his search history.

"Hey Dan, I kind of need my laptop back... I have an email I'm waiting for." He pokes his head sheepishly into the kitchen and cocks his head to the side a little when he sees I'm sitting on the counter.

"Oh, yeah, no problem. Here you go." I slide off the counter and pass him back the laptop, careful to be sure our fingers don't touch. I don't think I could stand even that little bit of skin to skin contact without wanting to yell at him for being so stupid.

"So, uhhh, how'd it go?" He rubs the top of one foot with the bottom of the other. I notice he's only wearing one sock. Of course he's only wearing one sock.

I sigh a little, is he really going to keep this up? How long before he can't pretend anymore because I'm starting to run out of patience myself. "There wasn't a lot of people who matched the name that I thought fit me... maybe they don't have a Facebook page and I should just give up and stop looking?"

He shrugs, switches which foot he's on and then seems to realize he only has on one sock as he quickly tucks the unsocked foot behind the other. _His left foot must have his soulmate's name!_

"I'm sure you can find them some other way. I won't let you give up that easy! Maybe you just need to get out more? Your soulmate could live right next door and you wouldn't know because you never go outside."

"If I go over and meet the neighbor and we aren't soulmates can I be done for the day?"

He contemplates for a bit then nods.

 _Great, looks like I'm going over to the neighbors._


	5. Chapter 5

_Dan's p.o.v._

After a few awkward encounters with neighbors who are usually more than half my age, I return to our flat. Phil's in the shower, I can hear the water running from my room and for some reason the thought of him right there, knowing that he's my soulmate but not telling me is driving me insane. If he knows, why doesn't he tell me? Why force himself to lie and say I should find my soulmate?

Anger bubbles up out of nowhere. God he's so annoying. Why won't he just come clean?

 _You aren't coming clean either. You could just tell him. Why don't you?_ I make an audible growl at my own inner thoughts. Of course I can't be the one to say he's my soulmate, I've dug a hole now and he has to be the one to get me out of it.

" _Phil,"_ I mumble, flopping down onto my bed face first, "just fucking tell me that you have my name and then I can look at you whenever I want without feeling guilty or awkward. Then I can hold your hand, I'll careful to make sure your hand and fingers are comfortable. Then I can trace my fingers along your jaw, across your forehead, and down the bridge of your nose when we're both tired and in need of some comfort. Then I can put my arms around your neck and bend forward and ki-" my bedroom door swings open.

"I heard your voice, did you need something?" Phil asks, head cocked to the left in question. My eyes dart down to his feet and I'm met with both socks despite the fact that he is still wearing a towel around his waist.

"NO! Uh, no... I was just talking to myself. Wasn't even aware I was speaking aloud really... heh." I nervously run a hand through my hair before reminding myself that'll make it curl up quicker.

He nods, buying the lie easily. God, him being so gullible is kind of cute in a way. He closes the door behind him as he leaves.

Slightly embarrassed by my train of thought nearly being overheard, I look for a way to distract myself. My eyes find my laptop on the floor. I can edit a video.

But halfway through editing I see a Twitter notification pop up. I click over to it and am a little shocked. Someone has tweeted me asking if phan is real and if Phil is my soulmate. Sure there's comments are my videos but hardly anyone has asked me directly. Let alone ask me when I myself am the probably the number one person wishing he was.


	6. Chapter 6

**I think y'all get the disclaimer by now... this is a work of fiction and I do not own Dan and/or Phil.**

 _Phil's p.o.v._

 ** _Trigger warning- Drunk Dan and alcohol mentions_**

Dan doesn't come out of his room after I speak with him. I poke my head in through the door once more to see if he wanted dinner but he shook his head and muttered "editing, no time for food."

I bring a plate I a bit later (after a few unsuccessful attempts at cooking) and leave it on his bedside table anyway. He mumbles a thanks but doesn't look up this time.

"How's the video coming along?"

"I'm just over halfway done... I'll talk to you when I finish okay?"

Slightly off-put by his tone, I retreat to my own room. I'll start the book I bought four days ago but haven't gotten around to, _The Fault in Our Stars._

Dan doesn't speak to me again that night. I look at my phone when I reach the near halfway point in the book and find that it's one in the morning.

As I'm looking at my screen, a notification appears. Dan's live on YouNow for absolutely no reason.

I click on the notification, type in my password, and turn my volume very low to watch Dan. Immediately, I notice he's drunk.

"I know, it's unusual for me to be having a live show without a heads up, but I thought why not?" Dan makes a face like it's supposed to be a smile but majority of his face doesn't know how to make a smile.

I start walking towards Dan's room, I can't let him ruin himself like this.

I'm about to turn the knob to his door when I hear him say, "don't love him, go run and put that in your ridiculous fanfictions. We're just friends, nothing more. I never want to be anything more."

I open the door before I can stop myself. "Dan, I have something to tell-"

His head snaps up to look at me, "Phil?"

"Get off YouNow. You're drunk and don't know what you're saying." Maybe I can snatch his laptop if I catch him off guard.

"You're not in charge of me. Just because you're older doesn't mean anything."

"Dan, turn off the live stream."

He stares at me, scowls, takes a large gulp of whatever alcohol he has in that bottle, and turns back to the computer screen.

"I'll be putting a new video up later this week. Look out for it,"

I'm at the foot of his bed. I should slam the lid to his laptop down before anything else happens.

"It'll be about unrequited soulmates." His eyes flick up to mine and a tiny piece of understanding clicks into place for me. "And how hard it is to know they'll never be in love."

I slam his laptop closed.


End file.
